When I first started my coaching training, one of the very first instructions I received was simple: start using these skills in your everyday life right now.
At first, I thought of coaching as something formal—something that happened in a designated session with a client. But I quickly realized that coaching skills are really just essential communication skills taken to the next level. They are designed to make us more effective, more present, and more deeply connected to the people around us.
So, I started practicing. With my friends. With my kids. And, much to his initial amusement, with my husband.
The Art of Really Listening
The biggest shift started with listening—and I mean really listening. For me, that meant:
Quieting down my own inner chatter instead of planning what I was going to say next.
Stopping the habit of interrupting.
Tuning into tone, body language, and energy levels.
And perhaps the most powerful tool of all: the pause.
Once I learned to hold space and pause, the next step was asking better questions. Not just quick, closed questions, but open ones. I started picking up on key words people used and weaving them into my questions, along with summarizing to show I truly understood.
In the beginning, let's just say it wasn't exactly subtle. More than once, my husband would look at me and laugh, saying, "You're coaching me again, Kate!"
But over time, as it became second nature, the heavy-handedness faded into something much more natural and subtle.
What Actually Changed
The real magic happened at home. Instead of the usual autopilot conversations—like asking my kids the dreaded "How was school today?" and getting a standard "Fine"—I started asking questions that actually invited them in:
"What did you like about today?"
"How do you feel about that?"
By changing how I listened and how I asked, I didn't just become a better professional, I really got to know my kids.
Bringing coaching skills into everyday life has a profound, ripple-effect impact. It transforms your work, deepens your relationships, changes how you parent, and ultimately changes you.
Have you ever tried using coaching or active listening in your day-to-day conversations? I’d love to hear how it went.